oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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