idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
