"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
