I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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