i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
