his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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