i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
