I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
this hospital has no fireball
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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