She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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