just come out here and I will go home with you...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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