yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
