doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
