You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
