After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
