we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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