...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
