thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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