Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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