the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
