so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize