..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
