I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
