I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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