matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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