bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need water and some morals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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