What did we do last night that was yellow?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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