stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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