HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
