There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
