Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
