At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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