Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
