I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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