finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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