masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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