i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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