Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
