he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What drink are we having for lunch?
Vodka?
Forever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
