Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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