At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
