I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
