I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
