just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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