Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
