Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
