Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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