We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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