Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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