ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
