He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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