Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
