Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
