The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
