i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
