I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
