The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
