she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
