I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
