Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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