If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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