even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
