Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
