if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
