before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
